


Pocketful of Gordian Knots

by wordscavenger



Series: Forget Not The Legacy [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post TFA, Pre-Slash, Protective Poe Dameron, five things
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-20 07:57:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5997838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordscavenger/pseuds/wordscavenger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Getting used to life in the Resistance takes some time and the things Finn has missed out on can make it seem like a strange new world. Luckily Poe is there to help Finn with those things along the way.</p><p>Note: These chapters take place during the 'Forget Not The Legacy' series and might bounce around the timeline of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pocketful of Gordian Knots

**Prequel to _Dance of the Desert Sun_**

**1\. Hot Showers (Otherwise known as the ‘Fresher)**

“You…what?”

Finn looked up at Poe standing in the doorway to the room in the med-unit. He was wearing casual civilian clothing of brown pants and a black t-shirt topped off with a trademark smirk. The soft hum of machinery and doctors and med-droids outside the room mixed together to create a quiet murmuring that had somewhat comforted Finn during his long nights alone in this room.

“I’m taking you to our room.” Poe repeated, tilting his head to the side as if Finn had just asked him the simplest question he’d ever heard.

“Our room?”

The pilot laughed and walked into the room to grab the duffle bag on the bed Finn spent the past two months recovering in. He swung it over his shoulder and then gently wrapped an arm around Finn to help his friend stand. He wasn’t worried about Finn not accepting his touch; he’d been helping the man with his recovery with every moment he could spare after the fallen defector had awaken. They’d grown comfortable with the physical contact over time, but Poe knew it was still new to Finn to have someone touch him without intending harm. If Poe really thought about it, and he really didn’t want to, he could probably count on one hand the amount time people had handled Finn gently in any sort of way before he ended up in the Resistance. It wasn’t a number he wanted to remain stagnant.

“Yeah. You’re my new roomie.”

“Roomie-roommate? We’re bunking together?” Finn asked with surprise as he turned to look at Poe.

Poe knew Finn was trying to keep from grimacing as he moved; he’d long since trained himself to watch Finn’s face for the slightest hint of him trying to hide his emotions, but kept silent. There was no need for Finn to hurry through the movements or rush to get back to his room. At least Poe thought so. He knew Finn was dying to leave the med-unit. He didn’t have to say it, but Poe could easily guess that for Finn, after finally freeing himself from the Order and _finally_ getting a taste of life outside their restraints, the last thing he wanted was to once again be trapped inside four gray walls.

He needed a change, desperately, and he wasn’t about to wait any longer for it. The med-droids weren’t happy about Finn discharging himself, but Poe was able to convince them to leave him in his care. It had been his plan all along, anyway, about hallway towards the embrace Finn and he shared before the Starkiller battle. If the man he now knew was alive and had intentions of staying, there was little he would wouldn’t do to keep Finn on their side. He knew just from when he learned his name was actually an inhuman designation on that stolen TIE fighter that Finn would need a friend. Some guidance. A helpful hand to gently push and pull him through this wonder-filled galaxy he’d been trained since infancy to reject.

Funny how well-intentioned plans sometimes ended up in shreds on snow stained with blood.

“You sure you don’t want a mobile device?” Poe asked as Finn gingerly tried to step away from him, beginning to protest that he could walk on his own, only then to gasp in pain before he reached out and grasped his helper’s hand. Poe squeezed back to let his friend know he wasn’t letting go.

Finn shot him an annoyed look. He had already told Poe and the droids he’d rather crawl then use one of the mobile wheeled units. Poe knew Finn’s stubborn refusal to accept any help was some residual concept of First Order weakness that he just added to his long list of things he would help Finn sort through after they got him settled.

“I can do it.” Finn said through gritted teeth. “It’s just going to take me a bit.” He looked down at their joined hands for a moment and said, “You don’t have to do this.”

“I don’t mind waiting for you. Short of a direct First Order attack I’m not leaving you.” Poe said with a smile as he gently bumped their shoulders together. This wasn’t the first time Finn had insisted that Poe needn’t feel obligated to hang around him. And it wouldn’t be the last time Poe would try to convince Finn that his train of thought was exceedingly incorrect. “And even then I’d throw you over my shoulder and carry you somewhere safe.”

Confusion and something else Poe couldn’t place gradually, carefully, slipped into Finn’s eyes. “No I-I mean well yeah this and the room thing. You don’t have to do that.” He nodded towards his bag of clothes and utensils Poe helped him put together during his recovery. “You don’t have to give up space for me. I can take care-“

“Of me.” Poe said with a small nudge towards the med door. This _was_ going to take a bit. “I’ve seen you keep yourself all sorts of organized around here and I could really use that kind of help in my place.” Poe shrugged casually as he tried to hide his smile while Finn regarded him suspiciously. “I can be a total mess. Seriously it’s ridiculous. Like, BB-8 is always on me about losing my jumpsuit and his base charger and my helmet. Honestly I’m late to everything-“

“You were never late to my PT.” Finn pointed out, trying to find holes in Poe’s words because he was clearly not sure if his friend was being sarcastic or not. He was, a little bit, but after Poe decided Finn would live with him he had a suspicion that Finn would try to convince Poe that they shouldn’t room together out of more fear of obligation. Which Poe thought was just silly because Finn was pretty amazing and he already bet Snap by this time next year Finn would think of himself as amazing too. Which he should. Because he totally already was.

So for now he had at least five backup plans to get Finn to be his roommate. But he was laying it on thick with plan A because he wasn’t sure how BB-8 would feel about Plan B: pretending his astromech had been kidnapped by Corellian space pirates and needing Finn to keep him company in his grief. It was a work in progress but so far Plan A (barrel through getting Finn into his new home before he had a chance to change his mind) seemed to be succeeding fine. For now.

“Well yeah because all you needed at physical therapy was my stunning smile and can-do attitude.” Poe joked with a wink that Finn rolled his eyes at. “No accessories required.”

Finn was about to argue when Poe cut in. “And look at that we’re here!”

The former Trooper blinked as he realized Poe had helped half-carry him all the way to his room and distracted him the whole time with his banter. “That was…closer than I realized.”

“Yeah well it helps being close to the med-unit just in case.” He gently helped Finn lean against the wall so he could pull out his data card to unlock the door. “You _are_ still in recovery.”

He also didn’t want to mention that he had moved from his former single unit near his commanding squad into this empty resident unit to purposely be closer to the med-unit. He knew Finn still had a difficult road ahead of him and wanted to make that transition as easy as possible on him. After he was well Poe would bring up moving back with his teammates and hopefully Finn would still want to live with him even then.

“I’m sure I could have managed-” Finn began as the door opened and Poe once again wrapped his arm around Finn to help him up.

“Yeah, yeah whatever you say buddy.” Poe said and made sure to smile wide to show Finn he was messing around when the man turned to him, still unsure but unable to stop himself from smiling at bit at his banter.

“You’re a strange one, I think, Poe.”

“And I’m all yours too. Lucky you.” Poe joked, and his breath caught a bit in the laugh that followed because saying those words kind of, sort of, did things to his chest and he wasn’t sure how to process them. He cleared his throat as he helped Finn into the living quarters.

“You have any questions?” Poe asked to distract himself from those thoughts as Finn gingerly sat down on the couch, trying to steady himself. Though his injuries were better he still needed to be on pain medication for some time.

It was a basic shared space. Two beds, a bath, kitchen and a living room dining room combo. It was bigger than Poe’s previous unit but not by much. As much as Poe loved his privacy when he lived alone, he would be lying if he said he wasn’t a little bit excited about getting to live with Finn. He trusted the man and he knew how lonely it could be living on your own.

Finn ran a hand across his head before shooting Poe a smirk. “I’ve lived in resident quarters before Poe.” He didn’t mention that normally the quarters were a bit bigger and the other residents were numbed almost fifty and they sure didn’t have their own kitchen or bathroom.

Another roll of his eyes. “Yeah I know that Tauntaun breath. Just wasn’t sure if you needed help with anything. You hungry? Tired?” He suddenly snapped his fingers. “Bet I know what you sure would love?”

“A window?” Finn asked looking around their new living quarters. They were underground and though Finn wasn’t going to complain, he did miss all the things he didn’t get to enjoy with the Order; like sunlight and fresh air. Though it was a difficult journey most of the time, every moment Finn was planet side after fleeing, even on Jakku, he relished finally escaping the cold steel rooms he’d grown up in.

“We’ll get you surfaced soon buddy. I promise. Until then,” he held out his hand which Finn hesitated before taking to be pulled standing again. “Why don’t I show you the ‘fresher? Bet your dying for one after all those wipe downs.”

Because of his injury Finn couldn’t wash regularly and even for a while in the beginning had to be wiped down by med-droids. He hadn’t complained about it, though he hadn’t loved the treatment, but Poe could guess that now he had gotten permission to get his back wet he would love to get properly cleaned.

However, Finn didn’t seem to share in his enthusiasm. His smile fell and he took a step back. “Oh. Uh. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize-if I smelled bad you could have just said something-“

“No! No.” Poe exclaimed and before he knew what he was doing he was wrapping an arm around Finn’s waist and pulling him in closer. “You smell fine. I swear. See?” Without thinking he tucked his head into the crook of Finn’s neck and breathed in deep and loudly, making silly snorting sounds that caused Finn to laugh jerk back playfully.

It was a rare and priceless victory to get Finn to laugh like that and Poe felt like he had just won a hoard of gold medals.

Giggling Finn gently pushed him away and said, “Okay. Okay you win.” He sighed though and didn’t sound too excited when he continued, “I should take one though. It has been a while.”

“C’mon I’ll show you.” Poe tugged Finn towards the ‘fresher. As he walked he explained how there were handles on the wall and a chair in the ‘fresher to make the washing easier.

“I’ve got the basics so you can use anything you see.” Poe finished as he opened the ‘fresher door. He led Finn to sit on the toilet’s closed lid as he turned back to continue his explanation.

“Okay.” Finn nodded, looking grim. “You just turn the nob there?” He pointed to the control on the wall.

“Yep!” Poe said and pushed the nob. Water cascaded from the spout above and Poe rolled up his sleeve to reach back in. “No sonics but it’ll still do the job. Left is cold water, right is hot water, and all the way over to the far right is superhot water which is my personal favorite.”

He turned back to Finn who had his brow furred in confusion. “Hot…water?”

“Yeah to the right. Don’t turn it all the way though just ease into it. I don’t know how much heat your scar can handle just yet.” He pulled out his hand and began to dry it on a towel. “So I’ll throw some food together and when we’re done eating if you’re feeling up to it we can take a quick walk surface side. Not too long though I don’t want to wear you out and have to lug your ass back here. I mean I’m pretty strong and everything but I mean this in the nicest way possible; you’re heavy as hell buddy.”

When Finn didn’t answer he noticed that the man was watching the falling water and its steam slowly filling up the room.

“Finn?” Poe said, and gently placed a hand on his friends shoulder. “You alright there?”

Finally Finn turned to Poe, his eyes wide, “’Freshers…they can have hot water?” His voice cracked from the emotions he was trying to suppress.

Ice ran up Poe’s back and then back down again to settle in his stomach. He knew there would be more moments like this. Moments when Finn’s past will come barreling into his new life to shake him up and drill in deep the reminder of things he’d been deprived of for so long.

Kneeling in front of Finn, Poe wrapped a hand around the back of his neck and pulled him in until their foreheads were touching. “It’s okay buddy.”

Finn just breathed in deep. “I never even thought-cold showers were supposed to keep us sharp. Focused. If you were slacking-a-was a punishment could-could sometimes feel like ice-“

His breathing and words started to stutter and Poe tightened his grip on the back of Finn’s neck. It took a few breaths but he knew this was more than just the hot water. From the moment Finn escaped he’d barely had time to just stop and acknowledge that he was free. Free with a whole new life he knew so little about how to actually live in it. That he was in a new home now with a bed and safety and someone who cared about him and there were things, _good_ things, that were going to come from it. The moment following his defecting nothing but death and destruction surrounded him; almost taking his own life as well. Even after he woke in the med-unit he’d been so focused on fighting to get his body back the idea of finally being free from the Order hadn’t ever really settled.

Until now.   

“You’ve escaped buddy.” Poe whispered, trying to get Finn to follow his breathing to even it out. “You’re free. “

After a few moments Finn swallowed before he whispered, “Sorry. Sometimes, it just is a lot. Knowing how much I’ve missed without knowing exactly what I’ve missed.” He shook his head gently. “I know that doesn’t make sense-”

Poe let go of the back of Finn’s neck and slid it to the side, pulling back a bit so they could each other in the eyes. “Don’t be sorry okay. Not for-never for that. Just, try not to think of it that way. Missing everything. Think of it like-like an adventure. You’re going to discover something all time and I’ll be there every step of the way explain it to you. There’s so many wonderful things out here that I’m going to show you.”

Finn looked up at Poe with dark eyes filled with so much gratitude he thought he would burst from the emotions of it all.

“Thank you.” Was all he could think to say. It wasn’t enough; would never be enough. He didn’t think he could ever find the right words to express how grateful he was for Poe.

Poe nodded and stood, wanting to give Finn some time to process this. Before he left he took a quick leap of faith and bent down to kissed the top of his friends head.

“That was a kiss. See? Like I said something new everyday.” Poe said with a forced wide smile, trying to make his friend feel better even when his own emotions threatening to crack any moment. “Let me know if you need any help with anything, okay?”

Finn nodded and Poe left the refresher. When the door shut behind him Poe ran his hands up to his face, taking in deep breaths to channel the emotions of what they just went through as they gutted him sharply.

Sheer hatred for the Order rushed his veins in a sudden tsunami of rage and he grabbed the closest thing he could find, a drinking glass, and flung it at the far wall. He then collapsed onto the chair belonging to their dining table, not even watching the shards fall to ground, and clenched his fists and closed his eyes to control his anger. He wanted to scream and punch the wall, or even better take his X-wing and fly straight into the stars to shoot down every last First Order soldier, officer or affiliate who ever hurt Finn.

The Order had taken much from him. They’d robbed him of a pilot when he was in the New Republic’s Navy, then nearly his own life when captured. And loosing half his fleet during the Starkiller battle gutted him in a way that he truly believed he’d never be whole again.

But they wouldn’t have Finn.

This realization settled over him like a cool balm. He let out a steady breath and opened his eyes, then unclenched his hands.

No. Finn was his. Was his own person. He was free.

They almost had him. They were so close-

But Finn slipped through their fingers time and time again.

Poe listened to the water fall in the room behind him. He thought of Finn, gingerly testing out the feeling of stepping into that steaming hot water for the first time ever. Finn had saved his life, but Poe sure as hell was going to make sure Finn lived his new life, his own life the best way he could outside of the Order’s fierce grasp.

He rubbed his face once more before he stood and went to clean up the broken glass, making a mental note that he was going to need to replace what he broke. Then when he was done the next step on his list was making the first of many amazing meals Poe with share with Finn.

The Order may have Finn’s past, but all that mattered to Poe was helping Finn with his future. And the Order would never touch Finn again. Poe would make sure of that.

**Author's Note:**

> You can follow me on Tumblr at wordscavenger.tumblr.com. I swear I will be doing stuff there...eventually. I swear.


End file.
